CUSTODY, THE BASICS
BETTER TV, OCTOBER 8 and 15, 2008
Without a Custody Agreement signed into a Custody Order by a Judge both parents have equal custodial rights to their child. Either parent may take the child away from the other parent and it is not kidnapping. Either parent may make unilateral decisions for the child without input from the other parent or that parent’s consent. HAVING A CUSTODY ORDER IS PROTECTION FOR YOUR CHILD AND SERVES TO PROTECT AGAINST PROBLEMS IN THE FUTURE.
You must file a custody count in your complaint for divorce or a custody complaint with the court to obtain a custody order signed by a Judge. It does not make any difference who files the complaint.
THE BASIS FOR ALL LEGAL DECISIONS AND RULES ARE LAWS AND STATUTES. BUT………………THE ULTIMATE DECISION IS BASED ON THE FACTS OF THE SITUATION. YOU SHOULD NOT BELIEVE YOU WILL HAVE THE SAME CUSTODY AGREEMENT AS YOUR FRIEND AT WORK OR YOUR NEIGHBOR, THEIR FACTUAL SITUATION MAY BE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.
THERE IS NO MAGIC AGE WHEN A CHILD CAN DECIDE WHO THEY WILL LIVE WITH. The Judge may or may not allow the child to have any input in a custody decision. If the Judge makes a decision to allow a child to have input, the maturity level of the child and the child’s reasons for choosing one parent over the other parent is what is considered by the Judge.
YOUR CHILD LOVES YOU BOTH AND WILL TELL EACH OF YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR AND MEAN IT.
IT IS NOT IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF A CHILD TO DISCUSS LEGAL ISSUES WITH THEM; TO PUT THEM IN THE MIDDLE; OR TO ASK THEM TO MAKE A DECISION. YOU ARE GAMBLING WITH YOUR CHILD’S EMOTIONAL STABILITY WHEN YOU DO THESE THINGS.
The court tends to give parents a basic, standard custody order. The court does not have the time or opportunity to sit with the parents to create a custody order specific to their unique needs. If you want a custody agreement specific to your unique needs you will need to find a process which will enable you and the other parent to work together to create a custody agreement specific to both of your needs.
MEDIATION is a process for you and the other parent to work together to create a custody agreement which reflects your unique family life and living situation. In mediation the mediator will work with you and the other parent to identify and agree upon a custody schedule and other factors which you and the other parent can successfully live with. IN MEDIATION YOU CREATE THE AGREEMENT, NOT THE JUDGE.
COLLABORATIVE LAW is another process which can enable you and the other parent to create your own custody agreement. In collaborative law each party has their own attorney. You and the other parent then work together with your attorneys to create a custody agreement which is tailored to both of your needs.
IF YOU CANNOT REACH AN AGREEMENT BOTH PARENTS AND THE CHILD SUFFER, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, FINANCIALLY, SOMETIMES EVEN PHYSICALLY. YOUR CHILD WHETHER 3 YEARS OLD OR 15 YEARS OLD IS DIRECTLY AFFECTED BY YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL STATE; THE EMOTIONS YOU ARE EXPERIENCING; YOUR FINANCES; HOW YOU RESPOND AND INTERACT WITH YOUR CHILD; HOW YOUR CHILD SEES YOU ACTING.
YOUR CHILD WILL BELIEVE THEY ARE TO BLAME; THEY ARE THE REASON FOR THE PROBLEMS BETWEEN THEIR PARENTS. IT CAN HAVE A LASTING EFFECT UPON THEM.
- NEVER TALK WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT THE LEGAL ISSUES.
- NEVER MAKE YOUR CHILD TAKE SIDES BETWEEN THEIR PARENTS.
- YOUR CHILD LOVES YOU BOTH, DO NOT TAKE ACTIONS AND SAY THINGS TO MAKE THEM BELIEVE THEIR OTHER PARENT IS BAD (EVEN IF THEY ARE !).
- ALWAYS TELL YOUR CHILD THE TRUTH, EVEN AT A YOUNG AGE, YOUR CHILD REALIZES WHAT THE TRUTH IS. IF YOU LIE ABOUT THE TRUTH TO YOUR CHILD, IT COULD BACK FIRE WHEN THEY REALIZE YOU DO NOT TELL THE TRUTH. BUT IT IS CRITICAL YOU SHARE THE TRUTH AT THEIR LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING. DO NOT GIVE YOUR CHILD FACTS WHICH THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND.
- YOU ARE YOUR CHLDS ROLE MODEL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TEACH THEM ?
CUSTODY, THE BASICS
BETTER TV, OCTOBER 22 and 29, 2008
The following is an example of a custody agreement. This is a more specific custody agreement than a Judge typically provides. The following is an example of a average detailed custody agreement. If you and the other parent are experiencing significant difficulty in cooperating regarding the child, you may want to create a more detailed custody agreement.
_______________________, : IN THE COURT OF COMMON PLEAS
PLAINTIFF : OF __________ COUNTY,
: PENNSYLVANIA :
vs. : NO. _______ CIVIL TERM :
________________________, :
DEFENDANT : IN CUSTODY
STIPULATION FOR AGREED ORDER OF CUSTODY
The Plaintiff ____________ (hereinafter sometimes referred to as "Mother") is ___________________________, who currently resides at _______________________________________.
The Defendant (hereinafter sometimes referred to as "Father") is _____________, who currently resides at ____________________________________. ________________ (hereinafter sometimes referred to as “_______”), born on ________, ____, is the subject of this Stipulation for Agreed Order of Custody and is the natural child of the Plaintiff and Defendant.
It is Plaintiff and Defendant's belief that it is in the best interests of their minor child to have a meaningful ongoing relationship with both the child’s natural Mother and natural Father, provided the child is in a safe environment.
WHEREFORE, Plaintiff, ___________________, and Defendant, _____________, have entered into a mutual agreement regarding the custody of their child and respectfully request this Honorable Court to enter the following Order:
- Plaintiff and Defendant shall share Legal Custody (as defined in 23 Pa.C.S.A. Section 5302) of their minor child, ________________.
- All decisions affecting their child’s growth and development including, but not limited to: choice of camp, if any; choice of day care provider; medical and dental treatment; psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, or like treatment; decisions relating to actual or potential litigation involving their child, directly or as beneficiary, other than custody litigation; education, both secular and religious; scholastic athletic pursuits and other extracurricular activities shall be considered major decisions and shall be made by Father and Mother, jointly, after discussion and consultation with each other and with a view towards obtaining and following a harmonious policy in their child’s best interest.
- Mother and Father agree to keep the other informed of the progress of their child’s education and social adjustments. Mother and Father agree not to impair the other’s right to shared legal or physical custody of their child. Mother and Father agree to give support to the other in the role as parent and to take into account the consensus of the other for the physical and emotional well-being of their child.
- While in the presence of their child, neither Mother nor Father shall make or permit any other person to make, any remarks or do anything which could in any way be construed as derogatory or uncomplimentary to the other parent. It shall be the express duty of each parent to uphold the other parent as one whom their child should respect and love.
- It shall be the obligation of each parent to make their child available to the other in accordance with the physical custody schedule and to encourage their child to participate in the plan hereby agreed and ordered.
- Each parent shall have the duty to notify the other of any event or activity that could reasonably be expected to be of significant concern to the other parent.
- With regard to any emergency decisions which must be made, the parent with whom the child is physically residing at the time shall be permitted to make the decision necessitated by the emergency without consulting the other parent in advance. However, that parent shall inform the other of the emergency and consult with him or her as soon as possible. Day-to-day decisions of a routine nature shall be the responsibility of the parent having physical custody at the time.
- Mother and Father shall be entitled to complete and full information from any doctor, dentist, teacher or authority and have copies of any reports given to them as a parent. Such documents include, but are not limited to, medical reports, academic and school report cards, birth certificates, etc. Both parents may and are encouraged to attend school conferences and activities. The Father’s name shall be listed with the school as the alternative parent to be contacted in the event of an emergency and to be notified regarding school events. However, it will be Mother’s primary responsibility to provide Father with copies of report cards and all notifications of major school events.
- Neither Mother nor Father shall schedule activities or appointments for their child which would require their attendance or participation at said activity or appointment during a time when their child is scheduled to be in the physical custody of the other parent without that parent’s express prior approval.
- Plaintiff shall have Primary Physical Custody and Defendant shall have Partial Physical Custody of their minor child, __________ according to the following schedule:
- During the school year, Father shall have alternating weekends, which shall begin Friday evening when Father picks up his child at the bus stop or at school, at the end of her school day, and continue through Monday morning, when Father shall be responsible for returning his child to school;
- Father shall have the child every Wednesday evening. Father shall pick up the child from the bus stop or at school at the end of the school day through Thursday morning, when Father shall be responsible for returning the child to school;
- During Summer, Father and Mother shall share physical custody of their child. Father and Mother shall alternate weeks, beginning with Father having the first full week following the last day of school. The parties shall exchange their child on Sundays on or about 7:00 p.m. with the party beginning their week of visitation picking up their child from the other party’s residence.
- The parties shall alternate the following holidays. Father shall have the even numbered holidays and Mother the odd numbered holidays in the even numbered years. To alternate annually thereafter:
- New Year’s Eve and Day, (this holiday shall be determined by the year in which the New Year’s Eve occurs);
- Easter;
- Memorial Day;
- Independence Day;
- Labor day;
- Thanksgiving Day.
- Christmas. Mother and Father shall alternate Christmas with Mother getting Schedule B in the even numbered years and schedule A in the odd numbered years. Father shall have Schedule B in the odd numbered years and schedule A in the even numbered years, to alternate annually thereafter.
- To begin Christmas Day at 2:00 p.m. through December 26 at 9:00 p.m.
- To begin Christmas Eve Day at 9:00 a.m. through Christmas Day at 2:00 p.m.
- Father shall have the child on Father's Day and Mother shall have her the child on Mother's Day;
- During all holidays and other special times of custody, visitation shall extend from 5:00 p.m. the evening before the special custody period through the morning after the last day of the special custody period or until such times as Mother and Father can agree upon;
- Mother and Father shall not have any additional weeks of vacation during the summer, but shall plan their vacation during their weeks of visitation with their child;
- Mother and Father shall share their child’s vacation time from school equally (50/50);
- The parties are encouraged to discuss and cooperate with each other when sharing and making requests for changes in periods of visitation. All permanent changes in periods of custody from those contained in this custody agreement shall be made in writing and signed by both parties;
- All holidays, vacations, and specially designated times for visitation with their child shall supersede the regularly scheduled visitation.
- Mother and Father agree to contact each other in a timely manner to give each other “Right of First Refusal” for any time when they will not be with their child for more than eight (8) hours. Such times shall include, but not be limited to, days their child is ill and unable to attend school, any days their child is not scheduled to be in school, snow days, any time a parent is scheduled to be out of town, any time a parent will be attending another event and/or activity, etc.
- If for any reason a party does not have their child for their scheduled visitation, that same party shall be entitled to additional time equal to the time they did not have their child from the time of the other party
- Mother and Father agree to share transportation equally, with the party beginning their period of visitation being responsible to get their child. Mother and Father’s spouses and significant other may also provide transportation for Father and Mother in the event they are unable to do so.
- Mother and Father agree to be responsible for any ordinary everyday expenses which occur during their individual custody periods with their child.
- The parent with physical custody of their child agrees to keep the other parent fully aware and informed of any successes, difficulties, activities, emergencies, etc., in which their child has become involved.
- Mother and Father agree to provide each other with current information regarding the day care provider and any other individuals and/or activities in which their child is in the care of an adult other than an activity within their child’s school. Mother and Father also agree to have each other listed as an emergency contact with that adult and/or agency.
- Mother and Father shall be free to mutually agree to alter and/or change the terms of this agreement. If the alteration and/or agreement is permanent and/or a change which will occur on numerous occasions, the parties agree the alteration and/or change shall be in writing and signed by both parents.
DATED: ____________________, 2008 ___________________________________
DATED: ____________________, 2008 ___________________________________
COMMONWEALTH OF PENNSYLVANIA :
: SS:
COUNTY OF :
On this, the _______ day of ______________________ , 2008, before me, a Notary Public for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, the undersigned officer, personally appeared ____________, known to me (or satisfactorily proven) to be the person whose name is subscribed to the within Stipulation for Agreed Order of Custody, and acknowledged that she executed the same for the purpose therein contained.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have set my hand and notarial seal.
____________________________________
Notary Public
My Commission Expires:
COMMONWEALTH OF PENNSYLVANIA :
: SS:
COUNTY OF :
On this, the _______ day of ______________________ , 2008, before me, a Notary Public for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, the undersigned officer, personally appeared _____________ known to me (or satisfactorily proven) to be the person whose name is subscribed to the within Stipulation for Agreed Order of Custody, and acknowledged that he executed the same for the purpose therein contained.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have set my hand and notarial seal.
____________________________________
Notary Public
My Commission Expires:
